Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Edge City.

When do you figure that those of us in D/s type relationships take things too far? Is there a moment where you, as either the bottom or the top, take stock of things and decide, "Hey, maybe this is a little out there?"

I'm only asking because I feel like I came to this exact crossroads yesterday.

It should be stated, outright, that I am truly madly and deeply in love with my Lady. I would never do anything to her that we hadn't expressly planned and discussed prior to play. But, with that being said, a miniature Rubicon was crossed last night, and I'm not sure how to feel.

I cut her.

I cut her at her request, and very carefully, with a sterilized razor and proper aftercare.

But I cut her.

I understand that in the BDSM scene, this is considered a form of "edgeplay," or rather play that exceeds even the communities lax standards of acceptability. I also understand the inherent risks involved with cutting your lover up, chief among then in this area being the questions we'll be asked should any of these show in public.

I also understand that it was pretty fucking hot, and that Lady enjoyed it even more than I did.

There's always a conundrum with being the dominant of a relationship, because there is an expectation that you be somewhat self-assured, ready and willing to make sure that you get what you want. Sometimes, that pressure can be a bit much. This is one of those times. I want to vent my reservations, but I cant in good consience vent them to Lady. She's had such a tough time coming out of her shell and realizing that her sexuality is not a sin. To question her at this point would be tantamount to shaming her for having desire, which I flatly refuse to do.

But I just fear this puts us on a darker path than I had envisioned our sex lives to have. Then again, prior to this event she still liked me to flog her until beet-red, and choke her, and even some spit play. So perhaps our sex life isnt as golden and uplifting as I imagine it.

It's scuzzy and dirty and it all kind of has that pallor of darkness. Then again, I wouldnt have it any other way. So maybe I should stop worrying.

Whadda you think?

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